as for me...i'm willing...

so it seems like i've had a lot on my mind here lately and the truth is..it actually helps to get it all out and post this blog...except for the fact that i can't actually get EVERYTHING im thinking and put it on here for everyone to see...that would be a lil too much..so i'm just going to summarize...i'll leave out the juicy details...i know that kind of leaves you hangin..but i only share the "details" with the ones closest to me...oh..and by the way if your one of those people im close with..i am truly sorry you have to hear about all my details all the time...haha
soo..now that we have that out of the way...
so now that i'm doing my photography in the peddler show..my schedule has changed dramatically...but it has def. been a good change...i'm not working at the station house every day anymore..and i am only doing the shows...so now i have a ton of free time..to just focus on me...its such a weird feeling going from stage to stage in life...each stage being so new and intriguing...so now..i'm done with school and i get to do something i really love as my job...that is def. something i'm not used to...i'm used to having some rink-a-dink job..where i get taken for granted and bossed around 24/7...i dont know if thats how it is for everyone..but i guess i just have never had good luck with jobs...but honestly i never would have taken anything back...God knew what he was doing with me...and i honestly believe that...and now its finally becoming apparent to me...my weaknesses are suddenly becoming my strengths and to gradually become even more conscious of the plan he has for me..is honestly..a pretty amazing feeling...and all worth it....things that are frustrating and that i dont understand now...will make sense sooner or later...its just the being patient and trusting part that can be difficult...but when i look back at my life and how God has protected me and rescued me in so many ways...that makes it all a lil easier...i owe him that much...to love and trust him and acknowledge the many ways hes picked me up and put me on my feet again....without him..life can become this circle of deception and dishonesty that will ware you down to a place of desperation...we need him to live...even if we know that or not...
i know that right now in my life...i'm not married and i dont have children yet...and thats all for a reason....and thats more than ok...no matter how much i long for that....i need to let God do what he needs to do with me...becuz there is soo much more going on than i even know...and i am willing to wait...i dont even want to count how many times hes had to wait on me...