So I was lying in bed last night and realized that this summer i really want to change some things in my life...so i'm starting off by getting up a half hour earlier than i would originally to get up for work and type a post about what scripture i'm going over that morning. God has a way of renewing my soul and i miss that feeling.
this morning i'm looking at...
Psalms 51:10-12-CREATE IN ME A PURE HEART, O GOD, AND RENEW A STEADFAST SPIRIT WITHIN ME. DO NOT CAST ME FROM YOUR PRESENCE OR TAKE YOUR HOLY SPIRIT FROM ME. RESTORE TO ME THE JOY OF YOUR SALVATION AND GRANT ME A WILLING SPIRIT, TO SUSTAIN ME.
Psalms is my all time favorite book. It's full of prayers and praises to Him that i really feel every time i read the words. i love it...
i especially love this scripture because of how certain it makes me feel. I long for that relationship i have had with God in the past. I want to get our friendship back somehow but honestly every time i begin to concentrate on that, it feels like i'm reaching for something that is just so far away. i continue to have all of these dreams about trying to get somewhere that doesn't exist, having no control, being stuck in chaos that is just impossible to get through. I dont trust this world at all, i barely trust anyone in it...so i find it difficult to trust God sometimes. He has never done anything to break my trust and never will, but i still continue to have problems trusting and just letting go. I have this idea of how my life should be and that if i dont have certain things i can't be happy. None of it is true, and i will keep praying for Him to sustain me and to grant me a willing spirit. I want to get rid of the voice in my head, telling me that i will never be happy, and all of the dreams i long for are out of reach.
God, help me to build up the strength to push away those negative thoughts and to accept the positive ones that i know are true. I love you and have sincerely missed you. I'm sorry for letting fear and anger get in the way.
Love, Bethany
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