i'm amazed...

so hey there..i know its been a while since i've posted a new blog...i've noticed that when i get overwhelmed in my life..i tend to put things off on purpose..and i apologize..i know thats not really the best quality to have huh? haha
So i had a pretty good day today...nothing amazing happened but there were some things that opened my eyes...well yesterday i was sick all day...and i seriously wanted to die...and was really ok with it haha i hate being sick..the only thing that gets me through is thinking about how it feels not to be sick..and knowing that i'm not going to be sick for much longer (hopefully)..and even then...its miserable...so it was weird but last night i had this dream that i died...and i'm not going to lie..it was a pretty intense dream and felt really real...but in the dream...i was ok with dying..i was happy to be able to finally live in Heaven and not worry and fret over everything going on in the world...it was like this peace..that i didnt expect...and i woke up feeling really surprised that in my dream..even though i died..it wasn't traumatic or scary..it was peaceful and exciting...so anyways today i went about my business..and was distracted all day with just everything going on with me..I'm leaving Thursday to go to Rosenberg, Texas for my 3rd Peddler Show...so i've just been getting ready for that and going through everything over and over again in my head..praying i dont forget anything...so then tonight we went to our Tuesday night worship service we have been going to at Gateway...it was great as usual..and then all of the sudden right in the middle of worship during this song...i was reminded of my dream...and that feeling of peace i had...there is just SOOO much more going on than what i see around me..and it was very evident to me tonight...God was telling me that that feeling i had in my soul was more than just some random feeling...its real and hes placed that longing in my soul for a reason...i'm part of this amazing plan he has..i'm a part of this family hes been building and continues to build for centuries to come...theres a place for me and ONLY me in Heaven...and that reassurance was almost breathtaking to me....it actually felt real...which is sad..but honestly i've never felt that before..and God spoke to me through that dream i had last night...to let me know that theres more to my life than just this bubble i'm living in..where things dont go my way..and i'm constantly battling with myself over unnecessary things over and over again...he has a greater plan for me...and one day i'll get to finally meet the man...the lover of my soul...and until then...ill be looking forward to it...

I'm dramatic...

so having all this extra time on my hands...my mind is on overtime right now...so be prepared for some rambling...


so i'm pretty sure i've been missing certain places a whole lot here lately...for one i miss south padre..where we spent a summer...well what i really miss is the beach...gosh..i def. miss that...one day when im over the top rich..i wanna have a second home on the beach...its just such a great place to lounge and allow yourself to relax in a way you can't anywhere else...set up your layout chairs...put some sunscreen on...and just bask in the sun..and enjoy the sound of the ocean and the feeling of the breeze in your hair...and i think my favorite part is when your not feeling lazy...and you decide your ready to take a swim in the ocean :) which is like completely different than swimming in the pool...its actually amazing to me..haha then that adventurous part of me always gets this feeling like i wanna swim out as far as i can...and then at a certain point..that other part of me that is really and deathly afraid of sharks..gains control haha i mean someone with as bad of luck as me..really needs to be paranoid sometimes..

God is just soo amazing to me....i think thats why it is really hard for me to stay put somewhere for very long..i am just soo anxious to see more and more of the many beautiful things hes created...i can't even wrap my mind around it all..and i haven't even been to very many places..haha its crazy...hes so unbelievable to me..

another place i am missing like crazy...is ruidoso, nm...i lived there for a lil while and have spent more than a few summers there...the mountains are just as beautiful in their own way...its pretty much also amazing.. :)

since fall is here and winter is on its way...i have really really been thinking a lot about the mountains and that great feeling you get when you can just put on a huge hoody and jeans and a cute beanie and go out in the middle of now where with your friends to sit by a campfire in the middle of the woods somewhere...i love the smells, the people, and just the all together feeling...gahlee..i need to just drive 10 hours and make a trip..cuz i'm pretty sure i left a huge part of myself back in ruidoso...