so tonight i had already gotten ready for bed and turned out the light and was lying there thinking..as usual..i can never seem to turn my mind off at night..its this major problem i have...but tonight God used that problem and really spoke to me in a way that i have really missed...this seems silly, but whenever God has something he really wants to tell me, my heart starts beating really really fast...im lucky really, because its this sign that i need to really shut my own mouth and listen for what he really wants me to hear...and tonight he could not have been more obvious...in the middle of me thinking and thinking about my life and my future and my hopes and dreams...God stopped me and pretty much said.."Bethany, I need you to want me MORE than you want all of those things..." which seems simple really and pretty obvious...i mean ya of course God wants you to want him over all other things...and its just one of those facts you just know...but for me...i had lost sight of the real truth in that...it had only been a fact for me..one of those "right" answers...hearing him simply reveal that to me tonight...really just touched every part of my soul..and left me speechless...all at once...i was remembering how amazing He is...how amazing is our God?? He has completely saved me and continues to do that in so many ways that i'm unaware of everyday...that in itself is so amazing...He longs for me to want him more than i want the truest and deepest desires of my own heart...those things should be so small in importance compared to my desire to seek after and adore Him...He is the only one that matters in the end...the only one who will be standing while all of us will be on our knees...he has created my heart and my spirit to love him above all else...and now more than ever i feel that, i believe in that...my troubles, my imperfections are so insignificant to what is really going on in this world and what is going on in heaven...worrying and fearing over worldly things is so pointless...why would we continue to do these things when we should be concentrating on whats to come for us in Heaven...bottom line is...we belong to God...we have been branded from day one...how lucky are we??
At church this morning...we sang the song by Hillsong called "Lead me to the Cross"...and that song and the lyrics have been stuck in my head all day...every part of me cries out for every part of God...I know that only him can rid me of my doubts, fears, desperation, and everything else that seems to follow me...only him...
goodnight.
(chorus)
Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross
