What is there to hope for? I find myself asking that question a lot latley. It is actually good for me to answer over and over again. It reminds me that one day all my hopes and wishes will become real. I feel a whole lot better when i think of one day giving up all of our worries and despair. Leaving them behind and finally renewing our hearts and souls by joining Him. All of our pain will be gone and that is almost impossible to imagine. My heart feels heavy when i think about it though, like it is his way of letting me know to be ready. Ready to say goodbye....
PSALMS 130:5 I WAIT FOR THE LORD, MY WHOLE BEING WAITS...AND IN HIS WORD I PUT MY HOPE...
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Strong Tower...
So today is super windy and dusty and i woke up feeling horrible because of it...ugh...i can't stand days like this...i obviously am more a fan of nice and perfect weather..but who isn't haha
my mind is so blank right now...i have felt like that a lot lately and i hate it...i find myself thinking constantly about the things in my life i dont approve of..and then letting it get the best of me..and the way i have been dealing with it is basically shutting down...shutting the things out of my mind hoping they will stay away forever..but they dont...never do...there are so many things to look forward to...i wish those were the only things filing through my mind...ugh is it possible to only remember the good and never the bad? that just seems so unrealistic doesn't it?
tonight my mom, older sister, and two nephews are coming into town..mom is moving here permanently but my older sister and nephews will be here a week. So ya i am super excited to get to spend some fun times with them. my family has always been there for me and has been one of the only constant things in my life....i am very blessed to have such a strong family base...and i really do treasure that...i never want to take that for granted...no sir...
i guess what i am really waiting on is someone to come into my life who is gracious, mature, interesting, and many many other things..someone who has the potential to start something great with...i'm done with the petty, immature, pointlessness in my life...i have already had enough of it in my life..not sure there is even room left for more...i think that is why i feel blank most of the time...i'm done with and hoping to get rid of what makes me feel that way...lately my prayers have all been sounding the same...they are pretty much on repeat...
none of us know for certain what will happen tomorrow or next week or even next year for that matter..in fact i am unsure of pretty much everything in my life. One thing that i am not unsure of is Him....in fact he is the only thing i am sure of...the only thing i have ever been sure of.
Proverbs 18:10 THE NAME OF THE LORD IS A STRONG TOWER, THE RIGHTEOUS RUN TO IT AND ARE SAFE.
when i think of this i feel secure and stable, because i know that no matter how messed up this world is..or the relationships going on in it...God will forever be right and strong and true...and i never want to let the negative make me forget that feeling...He is the rock that keeps us all standing when all we want to do is give up...
Love,
Bethany
my mind is so blank right now...i have felt like that a lot lately and i hate it...i find myself thinking constantly about the things in my life i dont approve of..and then letting it get the best of me..and the way i have been dealing with it is basically shutting down...shutting the things out of my mind hoping they will stay away forever..but they dont...never do...there are so many things to look forward to...i wish those were the only things filing through my mind...ugh is it possible to only remember the good and never the bad? that just seems so unrealistic doesn't it?
tonight my mom, older sister, and two nephews are coming into town..mom is moving here permanently but my older sister and nephews will be here a week. So ya i am super excited to get to spend some fun times with them. my family has always been there for me and has been one of the only constant things in my life....i am very blessed to have such a strong family base...and i really do treasure that...i never want to take that for granted...no sir...
i guess what i am really waiting on is someone to come into my life who is gracious, mature, interesting, and many many other things..someone who has the potential to start something great with...i'm done with the petty, immature, pointlessness in my life...i have already had enough of it in my life..not sure there is even room left for more...i think that is why i feel blank most of the time...i'm done with and hoping to get rid of what makes me feel that way...lately my prayers have all been sounding the same...they are pretty much on repeat...
none of us know for certain what will happen tomorrow or next week or even next year for that matter..in fact i am unsure of pretty much everything in my life. One thing that i am not unsure of is Him....in fact he is the only thing i am sure of...the only thing i have ever been sure of.
Proverbs 18:10 THE NAME OF THE LORD IS A STRONG TOWER, THE RIGHTEOUS RUN TO IT AND ARE SAFE.
when i think of this i feel secure and stable, because i know that no matter how messed up this world is..or the relationships going on in it...God will forever be right and strong and true...and i never want to let the negative make me forget that feeling...He is the rock that keeps us all standing when all we want to do is give up...
Love,
Bethany
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
He who humbles himself will be exalted...
I had such a crazy day yesterday...i got up at 7 and had plenty of time to get everything i needed done..and then right in the middle of drying my hair i realized..'HEY I DONT HAVE TO BE AT WORK UNTIL 10 NOT 9" so i had like an hour to waste which actually turned out pretty nice...but i had eaten breakfast at 7 and was really ready for lunch at noon..but we didnt have a lunch break till 1:30 so..it was very torturous i'm not gonna lie haha....and i worked about 8 hours yesterday so by the time i got home..i was pretty tired..and then it was weird..the day was pretty much over..all i wanted to do was get in my pjs and watch american idol..and other shows haha i'm a nerd...
I am amazed at what God is doing in my life right now...he rewards those who are honoring him...and its easy to forget how important that is to do...lately i've been soo aware of how God is working in my life. All of the things i think i need are usually what is distracting me from my relationship with Him. Even though i'm 25 i tend to act like a 5 year old and throw a little fit when things dont go my way. I come from a really dramatic family and sometimes i let that get the best of me.
the scripture i'm looking at this morning is Luke 18:14 FOR EVERYONE WHO EXALTS HIMSELF WILL BE HUMBLED AND HE WHO HUMBLES HIMSELF WILL BE EXALTED.
God is constantly letting us know that he has a place for us up in heaven..specifically made for each and every one of us. All we have to do is be true to our promises to him and continue to allow him to direct our lives.
I pray that i have the strength to be the best that i can be every day :)
Love,
Bethany
I am amazed at what God is doing in my life right now...he rewards those who are honoring him...and its easy to forget how important that is to do...lately i've been soo aware of how God is working in my life. All of the things i think i need are usually what is distracting me from my relationship with Him. Even though i'm 25 i tend to act like a 5 year old and throw a little fit when things dont go my way. I come from a really dramatic family and sometimes i let that get the best of me.
the scripture i'm looking at this morning is Luke 18:14 FOR EVERYONE WHO EXALTS HIMSELF WILL BE HUMBLED AND HE WHO HUMBLES HIMSELF WILL BE EXALTED.
God is constantly letting us know that he has a place for us up in heaven..specifically made for each and every one of us. All we have to do is be true to our promises to him and continue to allow him to direct our lives.
I pray that i have the strength to be the best that i can be every day :)
Love,
Bethany
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Create in me a pure heart...
So I was lying in bed last night and realized that this summer i really want to change some things in my life...so i'm starting off by getting up a half hour earlier than i would originally to get up for work and type a post about what scripture i'm going over that morning. God has a way of renewing my soul and i miss that feeling.
this morning i'm looking at...
Psalms 51:10-12-CREATE IN ME A PURE HEART, O GOD, AND RENEW A STEADFAST SPIRIT WITHIN ME. DO NOT CAST ME FROM YOUR PRESENCE OR TAKE YOUR HOLY SPIRIT FROM ME. RESTORE TO ME THE JOY OF YOUR SALVATION AND GRANT ME A WILLING SPIRIT, TO SUSTAIN ME.
Psalms is my all time favorite book. It's full of prayers and praises to Him that i really feel every time i read the words. i love it...
i especially love this scripture because of how certain it makes me feel. I long for that relationship i have had with God in the past. I want to get our friendship back somehow but honestly every time i begin to concentrate on that, it feels like i'm reaching for something that is just so far away. i continue to have all of these dreams about trying to get somewhere that doesn't exist, having no control, being stuck in chaos that is just impossible to get through. I dont trust this world at all, i barely trust anyone in it...so i find it difficult to trust God sometimes. He has never done anything to break my trust and never will, but i still continue to have problems trusting and just letting go. I have this idea of how my life should be and that if i dont have certain things i can't be happy. None of it is true, and i will keep praying for Him to sustain me and to grant me a willing spirit. I want to get rid of the voice in my head, telling me that i will never be happy, and all of the dreams i long for are out of reach.
God, help me to build up the strength to push away those negative thoughts and to accept the positive ones that i know are true. I love you and have sincerely missed you. I'm sorry for letting fear and anger get in the way.
Love, Bethany
this morning i'm looking at...
Psalms 51:10-12-CREATE IN ME A PURE HEART, O GOD, AND RENEW A STEADFAST SPIRIT WITHIN ME. DO NOT CAST ME FROM YOUR PRESENCE OR TAKE YOUR HOLY SPIRIT FROM ME. RESTORE TO ME THE JOY OF YOUR SALVATION AND GRANT ME A WILLING SPIRIT, TO SUSTAIN ME.
Psalms is my all time favorite book. It's full of prayers and praises to Him that i really feel every time i read the words. i love it...
i especially love this scripture because of how certain it makes me feel. I long for that relationship i have had with God in the past. I want to get our friendship back somehow but honestly every time i begin to concentrate on that, it feels like i'm reaching for something that is just so far away. i continue to have all of these dreams about trying to get somewhere that doesn't exist, having no control, being stuck in chaos that is just impossible to get through. I dont trust this world at all, i barely trust anyone in it...so i find it difficult to trust God sometimes. He has never done anything to break my trust and never will, but i still continue to have problems trusting and just letting go. I have this idea of how my life should be and that if i dont have certain things i can't be happy. None of it is true, and i will keep praying for Him to sustain me and to grant me a willing spirit. I want to get rid of the voice in my head, telling me that i will never be happy, and all of the dreams i long for are out of reach.
God, help me to build up the strength to push away those negative thoughts and to accept the positive ones that i know are true. I love you and have sincerely missed you. I'm sorry for letting fear and anger get in the way.
Love, Bethany
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
my heart has been sooo torn lately...i wish that i could just ask God straight up and that i could get a definant answer back QUICKLY..but it doesn't ever work like that does it? God seems to believe in letting me figure things out on my own EVENTUALLY....thats ok too i guess..i have just felt unsettled because i'm sick of the same patterns in my life...i'm so ready to begin something new in my life..something that is stable and will last forever...how do you get past the obstacles in your life that seems to never go away...you think you are done forever..and then whoop there they are...i guess though my life would not be as interesting...i'm just trying to find the good in all of this mess... and i can't say my life isn't exciting because it is...all of this change makes things less boring i guess..haha
so we went to albuquerque last weekend to see our good friends Mackenzie and Erica...o goodness it was sooo much fun...actually i can't even understand why we haven't been friends with them for longer...and i'm soo blessed to have such great friends for sure :D
Monday, February 22, 2010
No one really ever wins in Heartbreak Warfare...
so i'm soooo shocked because i have just realized it has been an entire year since i last typed out a blog on here..what the heck was i thinking huh...how did i ever even get through without getting all my thoughts good and bad out...wow i have been holding a ton in..how unhealthy is that!!! haha
so wow a ton has changed in my life in the past 6 or so months...man o man...seems that is always the amount of time it takes in my life for things to go through an insane change...it is def. a repetitive thing for me..but its ok right????? haha i'm not so sure i would know what to do with myself if things were easy and normal for a long period of time...
i promise one day i could make a fortune and all i would have to do would be to sit down and write a novel about my life...or i could even just write a book about a small part of my life and it would contain enough mayhem...
i love my life though...God is constantly having to remind me to be grateful though and i wish that came naturally for me..but it just doesn't...i'm working on it ok...
i'm 25 now and i'm not even sure i've accepted that yet...i'm no where near where i thought i would be at this age...and at times its depressing honestly....i would have thought i would be settled right now with a husband and maybe even talking about having kids in the near future...but instead i find myself dating these guys and God instantly letting me know that it isnt going to be forever...i mean i am glad he lets me know right away..but its soo exhausting...each relationship containing its own drama and different circumstances..each one ending with its own individual scars...i get a different feeling every time i think back and look at each one of those scars...its not so fun...and then some that are still existing and dragging out as we speak...cuz one thing i've learned is that eventually it has to end...especially if it isn't a relationship that is meant to last forever...eventually bitterness and resentment shows up...and no matter what you do to salvage something you feel is worth fighting for...its inevitable...if it isn't meant to be...it just isnt...and i feel like i'm just left to deal with the aftermath and mess....i think i've become a pro at that actually....
all i can do right now is live in the moment and not think about what heartbreak is coming up for me and just deal with what is going on in the here and now...otherwise i could drive myself crazy thinking "well maybe one day....hummmm" it just doesn't work like that...sometimes you have to say goodbye to someone you thought maybe would be in your life forever...sometimes you have to move on and let time heal and erase the stress of it all....and just quit trying....someday soon i wont have to let go and give up on someone....God will let me know when it will actually be worth fighting for...that in itself is reassuring...looking forward to that is what keeps me going...
so wow a ton has changed in my life in the past 6 or so months...man o man...seems that is always the amount of time it takes in my life for things to go through an insane change...it is def. a repetitive thing for me..but its ok right????? haha i'm not so sure i would know what to do with myself if things were easy and normal for a long period of time...
i promise one day i could make a fortune and all i would have to do would be to sit down and write a novel about my life...or i could even just write a book about a small part of my life and it would contain enough mayhem...
i love my life though...God is constantly having to remind me to be grateful though and i wish that came naturally for me..but it just doesn't...i'm working on it ok...
i'm 25 now and i'm not even sure i've accepted that yet...i'm no where near where i thought i would be at this age...and at times its depressing honestly....i would have thought i would be settled right now with a husband and maybe even talking about having kids in the near future...but instead i find myself dating these guys and God instantly letting me know that it isnt going to be forever...i mean i am glad he lets me know right away..but its soo exhausting...each relationship containing its own drama and different circumstances..each one ending with its own individual scars...i get a different feeling every time i think back and look at each one of those scars...its not so fun...and then some that are still existing and dragging out as we speak...cuz one thing i've learned is that eventually it has to end...especially if it isn't a relationship that is meant to last forever...eventually bitterness and resentment shows up...and no matter what you do to salvage something you feel is worth fighting for...its inevitable...if it isn't meant to be...it just isnt...and i feel like i'm just left to deal with the aftermath and mess....i think i've become a pro at that actually....
all i can do right now is live in the moment and not think about what heartbreak is coming up for me and just deal with what is going on in the here and now...otherwise i could drive myself crazy thinking "well maybe one day....hummmm" it just doesn't work like that...sometimes you have to say goodbye to someone you thought maybe would be in your life forever...sometimes you have to move on and let time heal and erase the stress of it all....and just quit trying....someday soon i wont have to let go and give up on someone....God will let me know when it will actually be worth fighting for...that in itself is reassuring...looking forward to that is what keeps me going...
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Lead me...
so tonight i had already gotten ready for bed and turned out the light and was lying there thinking..as usual..i can never seem to turn my mind off at night..its this major problem i have...but tonight God used that problem and really spoke to me in a way that i have really missed...this seems silly, but whenever God has something he really wants to tell me, my heart starts beating really really fast...im lucky really, because its this sign that i need to really shut my own mouth and listen for what he really wants me to hear...and tonight he could not have been more obvious...in the middle of me thinking and thinking about my life and my future and my hopes and dreams...God stopped me and pretty much said.."Bethany, I need you to want me MORE than you want all of those things..." which seems simple really and pretty obvious...i mean ya of course God wants you to want him over all other things...and its just one of those facts you just know...but for me...i had lost sight of the real truth in that...it had only been a fact for me..one of those "right" answers...hearing him simply reveal that to me tonight...really just touched every part of my soul..and left me speechless...all at once...i was remembering how amazing He is...how amazing is our God?? He has completely saved me and continues to do that in so many ways that i'm unaware of everyday...that in itself is so amazing...He longs for me to want him more than i want the truest and deepest desires of my own heart...those things should be so small in importance compared to my desire to seek after and adore Him...He is the only one that matters in the end...the only one who will be standing while all of us will be on our knees...he has created my heart and my spirit to love him above all else...and now more than ever i feel that, i believe in that...my troubles, my imperfections are so insignificant to what is really going on in this world and what is going on in heaven...worrying and fearing over worldly things is so pointless...why would we continue to do these things when we should be concentrating on whats to come for us in Heaven...bottom line is...we belong to God...we have been branded from day one...how lucky are we??
At church this morning...we sang the song by Hillsong called "Lead me to the Cross"...and that song and the lyrics have been stuck in my head all day...every part of me cries out for every part of God...I know that only him can rid me of my doubts, fears, desperation, and everything else that seems to follow me...only him...
goodnight.
(chorus)
Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross
At church this morning...we sang the song by Hillsong called "Lead me to the Cross"...and that song and the lyrics have been stuck in my head all day...every part of me cries out for every part of God...I know that only him can rid me of my doubts, fears, desperation, and everything else that seems to follow me...only him...
goodnight.
(chorus)
Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross
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