as for me...i'm the middle child...

So i have these two amazing sisters...and i know i dont thank God enough for them...i love them both soo much..they are such a huge part of my life and who i am....can't imagine life without them...so this post is dedicated to my older sister, Emily...and my younger sister, Anna....

Emily has such a strong personality...its written all over her face 24/7...and its a great personality let me add :)

then there is Anna...she def. has a strong personality as well...thats for sure :D I am so over the top grateful for Annabelle...

I love you both soo much...your my best friends...cant wait to see what God has planned for our lives in the future..i know its gonna be great as long as i have you two!

as for me...i'm willing...

so it seems like i've had a lot on my mind here lately and the truth is..it actually helps to get it all out and post this blog...except for the fact that i can't actually get EVERYTHING im thinking and put it on here for everyone to see...that would be a lil too much..so i'm just going to summarize...i'll leave out the juicy details...i know that kind of leaves you hangin..but i only share the "details" with the ones closest to me...oh..and by the way if your one of those people im close with..i am truly sorry you have to hear about all my details all the time...haha
soo..now that we have that out of the way...
so now that i'm doing my photography in the peddler show..my schedule has changed dramatically...but it has def. been a good change...i'm not working at the station house every day anymore..and i am only doing the shows...so now i have a ton of free time..to just focus on me...its such a weird feeling going from stage to stage in life...each stage being so new and intriguing...so now..i'm done with school and i get to do something i really love as my job...that is def. something i'm not used to...i'm used to having some rink-a-dink job..where i get taken for granted and bossed around 24/7...i dont know if thats how it is for everyone..but i guess i just have never had good luck with jobs...but honestly i never would have taken anything back...God knew what he was doing with me...and i honestly believe that...and now its finally becoming apparent to me...my weaknesses are suddenly becoming my strengths and to gradually become even more conscious of the plan he has for me..is honestly..a pretty amazing feeling...and all worth it....things that are frustrating and that i dont understand now...will make sense sooner or later...its just the being patient and trusting part that can be difficult...but when i look back at my life and how God has protected me and rescued me in so many ways...that makes it all a lil easier...i owe him that much...to love and trust him and acknowledge the many ways hes picked me up and put me on my feet again....without him..life can become this circle of deception and dishonesty that will ware you down to a place of desperation...we need him to live...even if we know that or not...
i know that right now in my life...i'm not married and i dont have children yet...and thats all for a reason....and thats more than ok...no matter how much i long for that....i need to let God do what he needs to do with me...becuz there is soo much more going on than i even know...and i am willing to wait...i dont even want to count how many times hes had to wait on me...

as for me...i'm so all over the place...

so things have really been changing in my life...and i just have this feeling where i know something intense and major is going to happen to me..i just dont really know how to handle it or control it...which makes sense...i'm not supposed to be able to control it i guess...its just so uncomfortable...tonight we went to seven..which is the worship service we go to on tuesday nights...and the whole time..my mind was just racing..and honestly i was uncomfortable...and the worst part of it all was..i couldnt just let it go...something was just stirring in my heart..and it was def. obvious God was trying to speak to me...theres is no denying that feeling...and when its God..i def. know...my heart starts beating really fast..and its hard to swollow ...he wanted to open my eyes to what was really going on around me...to look at the ones who love me and notice and acknowledge the strength and promises that come from those people, and be able to see him through them...and thats real...

just because i dont see him physically...doesn't mean anything...the words my daddy has spoken to me since i was born..thats been God...every moment you've ever had in your life when you feel safe...thats God...those long hours i spent in the car with Anna on our road trips across new mexico and texas..laughing until we can't breath..thats him too...

every good and wonderful thing comes from him...how much more real can it get...

me and anna found this park we had driven by a few times...so we thought we would go out and take some pictures and just explore...it was gorgeous..with all the rain we've been getting everything is just green and gorgeous..there was this huge open field with lil kids having soccer practice..and then there was a path that kind of led into the trees..so being curious and all..we headed down the path...it was really pretty back there..but after 10 minutes or so we realized we were being bit by bugs...of course by the time we realized it..it was too late...and being the smart kid that i am..i wore shorts..so i looked down and had bites all over my legs..guess they liked my lotion...cool story..haha so we quickly ran back to the outlander...and went back home...so much for being curious..thats what we get for watching lost...gahlee..that show is CRAZY...i have trouble sleeping at night..cuz i'm laying awake trying to figure out what the heck is going on in that show..haha

anyways...here are some pics from the park :D

As for me...I'm random...

I am sitting here at work right now...just thinking and thinking about everything going on with me... this weekend is my first Peddler Show in College Station..and I just can't believe it's actually happening..I have been talking about it for a really long time now..thinking maybe someday it would actually all work out..and here I am..planning to leave this Thursday to head up there :D I'm so excited too!! I am so blessed to have such a great family as well...they are soo supportive willing to help me with everything I need..it definitely wouldn't have been possible without them that's for dang sure!!


here's a cute pic of my family from labor day weekend :D


ok on another subject...it has been raining like crazy here..and I know it's because of the hurricane but it makes it sooo difficult for me to get up in the morning and go to work when its all dark in my room and I can hear it raining outside...makes me want to stay in bed for years at a time..haha and since I've been working every day of the week 8 to 9 hours a day..i've just been soo worn out...I mean all those many years I was in college..haha I usually didn't even have a job..all I was doing was going to school...which is kind of a funny lifestyle I think..well it was for me...I hardly ever cared what I looked like...didn't wear much makeup...didn't even dry my hair on my most mornings..I would go to class then come home and sleep..haha I know its horrible..but that's how I was...

You just get into these routines your comfortable with and then when you change routines its difficult adjusting...or it is for me...but I've adjusted...unfortunatley...I would work all day..come home..then be so tired..and not have much energy left for much else...which has been frustrating because all I've really wanted to do is concentrate on the Peddler Show and whats coming up...but its like it has just been too much and so my mind keeps pushing it away...which actually hasn't been that bad a thing...otherwise I would have been overwhelmed...everything has been coming together just fine...with or without my worrying...so I know God has complete control over this situation...

when I get upset or worried about something..for example...sometimes I convince myself that what I see TV could happen to me..and my mind starts racing and just creating these plots and i start worrying...and it is just so captivating..God is constantly having to remind me that he is going to protect me and to stop worrying..and even if I experience hardships of any kind...I am able to overcome them through Him...and that's the amazing part...

As for me...I've changed

so this is a pic of us at the scat jazz club on sundance square..downtown ft worth...I'm just absolutely loving living here...it has just been exactly what I've been needing...there is just so many possibilities here...we could do something different every night for a year if we wanted...I'm loving our apartment, the neighborhood, just Bedford in general, the church we found...it is hard for us to go on Sundays...and i def. wont be able to go now that I'm starting the peddler show in a week or so...so we go on Tuesday nights and its been so refreshing..and just everything i need right now in my life..i love it! ha ha it just seems like church can get to that point where it is draining or more of a burden than anything..or has been in the past..and this one is just none of those things...its great...God has been teaching me a lot through the guy who speaks every Tuesday night...and I've just been challenged to think deeper...which i love! ha ha
I've just learned that here lately..or actually my whole life..I've just been SO focused on my destination that i loose sight of what is really important...if all you think about is where you want to be or where you wish you were in life...your never going to be satisfied with the here and now...you'll be blind to what God wants to show you and all the many blessings he has for you right now! I hate that...i want to be thankful for what i have and who is in my life right now...i dont want to be always wanting more...i trust that god has a plan for me and I'm living that plan every day...
this past weekend me and my whole family went to Clyde, TX, to go to my grandparents 75Th birthday party...my whole extended family was there...and it was such a great trip...other than the fact that me and Anna slept on the pull out couch bed that was kina flat ha ha...the weekend was good...god spoke to me several times while we were in Clyde...just revealing things to me that i had never even thought about... there was a time at the end of the day at the party..where my uncle Murray, cousin Lincoln, & cousin John...performed some music for my grandparents and us...it was fun for sure! but during the whole thing...my eyes kept being drawn to my grandmommy & granddaddy...they were just so cute sitting on the couch together listening intently...smiling and bobbing their heads along with the music...i couldn't stop thinking about how they met when they were young and were sweethearts from the 8th grade on...how amazing is that...and if it weren't for them...none of us would exist...God had a plan for their lives...and through them, and their trust in Him, he created all of us...it just amazes me...i was emotional all weekend...ha ha just thinking of how awesome God is...it just blows my mind to think of it all...